Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Mad Lib Race Report Template

Today was the ________ (adjective) _________ (race name) 'Cross at ____________ (location).

It’s just about the ___________ (adjective) race in the ___________ (series name) Series.

Last night I ate a crapload of _____________ (type of spicy ethnic food) for dinner. I was up half the night ____________ (verb) so I wasn’t feeling my best when I woke up. For breakfast I inhaled a bunch of __________ (food) and guzzled ___ (number) ounces of ______ (beverage).

I managed to get on the road and only forgot to bring my __________ (piece of gear). On the drive to the race I chugged a bunch of _________ (beverage) and was worried that if I didn’t get to a restroom soon I might ________ (bodily function) myself.

I made it to the venue and beelined it to the _________ (type of toilet).
It was ____________ (adjective), but probably better than squatting behind a ______ (noun). Note to self, pack handi-wipes next time.

I picked up my number and _______ (number between 2 and 20) safety pins from registration and managed to not complain about ________ (typical whiny bike racer gripe).

After putting on my gear I headed out to preview the track. It was really ________ (adjective). There were 3 nasty __________ (plural technical features) and 1 evil (technical feature). The mud was ________ (adjective). It was the consistency of ________ (mud-type).

I was running my _________ (plural brand of tire) at _____ (number between 20 & 50) psi so I was really ________ (adjective) in the mud. The fast sections were _________ (adjective) _________ (adjective) which was really ________ (adjective) for me.

Over at the starting grid I got a _______ (number) row call-up thanks to my _______ (adjective) performances thus far in the season. Awaiting the gun I was ________ (adverb) nervous. I nearly ________ (bodily function) my skinsuit.

My start was _________(adjective). My legs were spinning with the ferocity of a _________ (animal). Onto the dirt I was in about _______ (number between 1st and 80th) position. I was incredibly __________ (emotion).

As the race wore on I _______ (verb) the _________ (section of the course) very ______(adverb) which put me in a position to _________ (verb) through the field.

On the last lap I was in a small group. I tried to drop them on the ________(technical feature) but it came down to a sprint. In the sprint it was like a _______(type of car) vs. a ______(type of car), and I was the ________(type of car).

In the end, I had a truly __________(adjective) ride today to finish ______th (number).

__________ (fellow competitor) was killing it today! I just wish he didn't slam his bike into my _______(noun). Anyway, he's a sandbagger.

My new ________ (sponsor’s product) is mind-blowingly amazing. Without it I would be a lot slower.

After the race I drank a ________ (beverage) and talked shit with my fellow racers.

You just don't get this type of scene in a _________(type of cycling) race.

5 comments:

MRussell said...

Classic...

gwadzilla said...

great report

fatmarc said...

my blog is now obsolete.

Jim said...

Hey Chris, that was a _____ (adjective) writeup. I really _______ (verb, past tense) it. You should do more writeups of this kind. It would totally _______. (adjective)

MyHusbandRules said...

I now know what Chris and I will be doing on those 5 hour drives home from the MAC races!